Deirdre Reynolds: It was noisier at the cinema than the atom bomb blast itself

Hyped as the double bill of the decade, never mind the summer, the combined heft of Greta Gerwig’s Barbie and Christopher Nolan’s biopic has brought TV addicts back to cinemas in droves.

After finally getting round to the latter part of the ‘Barbenheimer’ phenomenon – the story of the titular American theoretical physicist played by Cillian Murphy – I was wishing many of them had stayed at home.

And judging by a phone-in segment on Newstalk on Wednesday, I wasn’t alone.

In recent years, the unstoppable rise of streaming has gotten us all used to half-watching the latest movies and mini-series at home, surrounded by myriad distractions from barking dogs to beeping dishwashers.

Now it seems this goldfish syndrome has spread to multiplexes nationwide too.

Despite splashing out on a costly night at the flicks, given their distraction levels I was only left surprised that some of my fellow film-goers didn’t whip out a load of ironing, like they might in their own front room.

At an eye-watering €8 for a medium popcorn, clamorous munching I could almost forgive – but it was the constant chatting, shuffling and even Instagram scrolling that left me going more nuclear than Los Alamos in the packed bank holiday screening.

Unlike Sean, who told Lunchtime Live how he walked out of the French film he was watching thanks to his noisy neighbours, I took the more Irish approach of shushing loudly, which in an IMAX presentation of a movie about the creation of the ear-splitting explosion ultimately dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1945, was exactly as effective as it sounds.

At three hours long, in fairness, I can’t blame some of the audience for getting a little antsy.

Still, what are they going to start doing during Martin Scorcese’s upcoming three hours and 26 minutes bum-number Killers Of The Flower Moon – their end-of-year taxes?

Shuttered for months at a time during the pandemic, naturally it is great to see picture houses thriving once more, as Barbie becomes the first female-directed film to shatter the billion dollar mark at the box office. Meanwhile Oppenheimer has grossed over $600m worldwide so far.

It’s just a shame the ‘entertainment’ isn’t limited to the action on the big screen, after a viral video showed two women coming to blows in a cinema in Brazil last month, when one reportedly allowed her young daughter to watch YouTube videos throughout the Barbie showing.

In a poll by radiotimes.com, snogging, seat-kicking and man-spreading have also been voted among cinema lovers’ biggest bugbears, along with eating pungent food and talking on the phone.

If it’s a choice between those, or the French cinephile arrested by an off-duty cop for enjoying 2017 bonkbuster Fifty Shades Darker a little too much though, I’ll sit next to a noisy masticater any day.